He has been away for 4 days. The first 3days his presence was felt, as expected, but the 4th day, which is today, I almost, almost forgotten that he will be coming home tomorrow. I thought that I'll be counting to the day he comes home and talk to me every night. but no, i almost forgotten it. What the hell? Less feeling? Or its just, out of sight out of mind?
I don't know where to start. This ain't something I expected. not at all. I wasn't sad, I didn't cry, I felt so foolish. So foolish for dreaming about our future. This would be the end. The end of everything. U said it wouldn't change anything, we can still talk like before, blabla, but the fact is, I've been through this not just once. I know what will happen. You will have your new circle of friends, perhaps all hotter girls and guys. So why would you remember me? I won't blame you for that. I will just feel disappointed. The memories that we shared together, will soon be replaced by some other people there. I doubt if you will even talk to me once in a while. Or u will just treat me as if we have never met before? I'm so selfish, I had the thought of hoping you fail badly in the test. But, who am I to you to take away your chance to have a brighter future? Even as a normal friend, I should definitely hope that you get into that freaking school and live happily ever after there. But, I know I can't take it. I'll be in a nightmare. I won't be able to see your bright smile everytime u pass by, I won't be able to hear your gay laughter, I won't be able to see you anymore, you kidding me? why! why now! why when Im this deeply in love with u? Why the one I shared everything with? It feels like I'm going to be all alone again.
I don't know but, I think I may be tired of this. I feel so helpless when my daily routine is to repeat things to you again and again. I'm tired of the game, I wanna give up. But everytime I try to walk out, I start looking back at all the things you say. Is all the promises that holds me back everytime I left.

Labels: john

You aint gonna give up, u said all those thinking I will fall for those and give up john for u? Im sorry, i wont. And never will. I admit, sometimes U're just someone I wish to talk to when John aint around. But, U do know that isnt? And in fact, I've been hinting how much I love him to you. And you obviously, GOT IT but acted like u are blur. Im so clueless about what to do for you right now. I honestly hate your attitude, that u always like to put me in a situation where u wanna prove that letting go of john or I'll lose u. And also, making me feel like u are so upset, so hurt and feeling so useless for liking someone stubborn like me. I lied, sometimes i did. But now im awake, And i will never give u hope anymore. Basically, we are just friend. But u are the one friend, who always make me smile, and always the one Im gonna miss alots, if u ever walk out of my life like those guys. (:

Labels: shervin

I like you. I truly do. And u may think this sound corny but I really really do love him. If like means getting butterflies in my stomach whenever u talks to me coldly, it means im too terribly in love. Your one short reply can make me feel like the end of the world. And u can totally control my mood. Do u know I've waited for your message last night? not even a good night message and leave me dangling there dont know whether to sleep. :( oh btw, I hope u do whatever u promised me okay. my car, my babies, and my house. :) I want u or no one to do them for me.

Labels: john

I dont get it, I totally dont understand myself. I cannot get up from the point where I fell for u. I tried every way I could, but no. All I can do is watching myself drowning in tears, falling apart cause of heartbreaks. No, I dont hate u. Instead I love you like fuck. I want you to be happier than me, and the only way is to walk away from you. I know U crave for single life, thats why we broke up remember? So all these while i've been trying very hard to walk away from all these memories. I tried to dream of Shervin but I woke up from a dream that we got married. I should have been hiding at somewhere u can't see, and reach, secretly hiding all my feelings for you. And just let u live a peaceful life. With all the hot girls in the gang. That's what u deserve.

Labels: john

1st, Alexander Wang Leehom. 王力宏

There's no reason why I can resist him. Just bought his album, and exchanged with my daddy's colleague. AND NOW I HAVE A SIGNED ALBUM OF HIS. without attending the event at ou. anyways, i love him, and he knows it. (:

2nd, Tyler ward.

He is one of the most amazing Youtube star ever! His voice is ♥, his body is ♥, his face is ♥♥. Continue rocking on babeh. Cause you are amazing, just the way u are. (:





3rd. http://www.facebook.com/





This is like, DUH-UHHH. Because I need it for breathing la ok. And all the messages from him, (:





4th. Maggi mee TOM YAAAAAAAM.
After 2 days of home alone, I have master-ed the art of cooking Maggi mee! My dad said its one of the best tom yam mee he has tasted ok. ( i made this up)
hahaha, well, i have got to wash all the bowls now. -.-

5th. phone. (:

Today is not a fairytale. Yesterday wasn't either. Oh yeah fuck that. Just when I thought everything is going smoothly u gimme this kid of bullshit. Please, it's been 1 year and 3 months since I know u. No actually it's more than that but ah don't bother about how many days. Yesterdays are over. I just wanna live a peaceful life with u. As in, no regrets just love u get it? And yet u just keep pushing me away and tie me up with all your cold replies. U know how sensitive am I isn't? And I bet that's what u hated abt me since don't know when. But I don't think that's bad, cos at least I'm not some fucking scary cat like u who can't even stand straight and face the problem. I'm just a girl, I'm no superwomen. I need some comforts too. Not me comforting u all the time and hen I get hurt u just ask me to go to ugly Guys so they could fix me. Stop being irresponsible. U break me down and ull have to be the one who build me up. I can't wait forever, I can't wait for u without expecting nothing in return forever.

Don't be selfish, please babe.

Labels: john

It has been almost one year, and I have just realized that U have never got out of my mind. Whatever I do, it just reminds me back to u; whoever I talk to just reminds me back of you; whenever I go back to those places it just reminds me of you. Why is it so hard to erase you and all the fucking memories we had together? These 2 weeks, I thought there was something going on between us; I thought there were some feelings between your lines; and i thought u have became what I hope u would be.

Labels: john

Confessions of a broken heart.I trusted another person. Who promised not to hurt me, and will take good care of me. Unfortunate he ended up going for another girl. Oh wait, he came back to me the next morning, and expect me to pretend like nothing happened. Dream about that, CAUSE THAT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN. I can't trust u no more, whatever u say, no matter how u sweettalks, I'll just call them lies. Lies that are sweeter but hurts me more than ever. I hate it when my trust is taken for granted. I wont, and never will trust guys like you no more.

Labels: john

Rewind.

Labels: john

U're only gonna break break my heart.
Be bold in love.

Removed another one from my Facebook. This time I wasn't mad or anything, very calm, very peacefully, removed him. I just want the best for BOTH of us. He's obviously unhappy, and I'm indeed upset about that too. I don't want anyone to be in pain, I just hope everything goes back to how it was. That's the least I can do for u, at least,I appreciate everyday we spent together, and every words u said to make me smile. (: I often let go of someone, only because of they are too perfect for me, really. I bet u are mad at me for what I did. It's ok, u've got all the right to be angry and blame me. U should join him, and bitch about me all u want. Because I find it easier to treat u as a hater. though i really really don't wanna see that happen. It's hard to tolerate with girls like me, I'm gonna hang up on u for no reason like what he said, remember? My point is, leave me behind, and give your heart to someone better, please.

p.s: I'm sorry for being selfish, but I want teddy with me, forever. (:


"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." -Marilyn monroe

Ok, I guess it's quite obvious that I've been stalking Marilyn Monroe. But her quotes are all meaningful and addictive. And she's some hot ass shit. Well. Tim said that. I don't call someone who is hot a "shit" though. Hmm. She's not just some hot ass shit, she's a wise women. And her quotes are all inspiring. I just couldn't stop myself from going "awww" when I was reading all the quotes.

And,

everyone treats me just as a best friend, good friend, but not the only one they need. U can have a few best friends, isn't? Forget about it, not the first time anyway.
Hello, best friendS!*retarded wave*

happy? Shall we sing Happy tree friends' theme song together and walk to the classroom after recess hand in hand? Ok, yea, fuck that. :)

I'm really not okay, I guess I do have some indescribable feelings for u.

Life has been quiet, without u.

No one has been cursing my life and family, for 2 days already. Blocked him, after he blocked me. Maybe this is better for both of us, I don't know what else I can do to forget your harmful words. I hope karma hits u soon.

I'm going off now, in need of corny words from him. :) see u later, when life is better.

lastly,


It ain't simple.

幸福没有那么容易 才会特别让人着迷.

I don't have to explain. If u are a banana, and u are desperate to know the meaning, u'll use the google translator. :)

And i've sort out 20 things a guy would do for u if he really loves u.

1. Call u right when u are down, no matter what time or what he is doing.
2. Tell his friends about how much he needs you.
3. Text u everyday, at least once.
4. Try his best to avoid saying things that might make u feel uncomfortable.
5. Don't care if u don't dress up well.
6. Try to get closer to your best friend just so they can know u better.
7. Change his attitude for u.
8. Play less video games or watch less football for u.
9. Kiss your forehead more often than he kisses your lips.
10. He won't tell u "i love you" every minute once.
11. He smile at u even when u're not looking at him.
12. Make u study when exam is near.
13. Memorize all your phone number.
14. Admits when he finds another girl hot.
15. Get jealous when he sees u flirting.
16. Visit your blog very often to make sure u are not hiding anything from him.
17. Look at your face instead of your boobs. :O
18. Freaks out whenever u stop replying his text.
19. Ask for your advise when he needs to decide something.
20. Smile automatically whenever people ask him about u. :)

ah, non of these 20 things really happened to me, :)
nevermind.
This love, is so tough.
This is it,

I'm not gonna tolerate with u anymore.
After 3 years, I finally understand tolerating with ua nd all your selfish acts is a waste of time.
Don't mind it, i'm gonna be a bit rude now.

U are seriously a douchebag.
A selfish, self-obsessed, LOA, LOB, fugly, fxcked up bitch.

Why?
Good. I can write a book about the reasons why u're being hated.

1st. U flirt too much.
Basically any girl who has boobs and vagina is your target.

2nd, U're a horny bastard.
Oh, this is so obvious. Look at your face. A potential rapist.

3rd. U're so lack of attention.
Always get yourself into troubles in school so that at least teachers notice you? being called to the principal's room is no big deal at all. So why do u update all the status that probably make u look loa?

4th, u're a player.
Oh, and u never ever admit this. If anyone tell u this, u're probably gonna screw them and defend yourself with " no, u're the cheater".

5th, U're the biggest liar
Your biggest lie? "i love u, and i want to be with u"

6th, u're some fat shit
U ain't one of the hot guy. Not at all. Your mirror is lying to u.

....

I've tonnes more, but i really dont wanna waste my time complaining.
"Hope god sees the one who crave for slavery"-quote YOU.



Before u fall in love,

It's not easy to love. Not at all. And it's even harder to get in a relationship. When u've agreed to be in a relationship, it's a promise, a commitment to the one u love, taht u'll care, and spend most of your time with. U know that, do u?

Do u know how u upset me whenever u ask that question?
Cause u're reminding me of,all the tears I shed for those I loved, and who promised to take care of me forever.

U're now the best thing i ever knew i needed, teddy. :)
Time for something

Exams is over, for real. :)

So i'm in the mood to blog now.
As in, seriously blog, about my feelings, and stuffs.

I think i wanna,



I screwed up this term.
And, it's all my fault.
I chose to blog/msn/ FACEBOOK or whatever else than doing revision while exam period.
I swear I'll start earlier next term, SWEARRRRRRR. :(











I wanna be,

I feel like studying.
I even dreamt about myself studying alone while everyone is playing hide and seek.
No, not just a dream, I'm so gonna spend a few days at the library during the holidays.
Don't ask me why.
Just the right time to be serious.
Pmr is not far away.
I can see it waving slowly at me.




I hope I can,
Ahhh, shopping.
I even dreamt about myself shopping at One u. During the useless sivik exam.
I saw myself holding plenty of paper bags.
And, with a big smile on my face.
I really wish this dream comes true.
I wanna get some cotton-on myself. :)













I wanna I wanna,


Party party partyyy babehh.
I'm on for anything. :)
ANYTHING.
desperately need something to wake me up.












I wanna, i wanna,

I wanna watch the sunset again.
Maybe not with, you.
Maybe just someone else.
Or, maybe alone.
I just wanna,
feel how the day ends.














I want to,

I didn't think about love.
For at least,
1,2,3,4,5,6...
ok stop, yes 6days i think.
But now, I'm desperately in need of it.
I just need some love and care from someone, anyone.
I don't wanna be alone.
I don't wanna be friends.
I just want somebody to love.

I got u

I'm not in a mood to blog. Cause exam will be over, TOMORROW.

I sucked this term.

tell u a secret, tell u a story. :)

Go ahead and say goodbye

No, i'm not emo. My mood doesn't always refer to my blog header. :)
Exam week, and I'm struggling with my lazy mood. :/
I'm suppose to study, SUPPOSED to.
But here i am typing out all the words I wish I could shout it out.

This week is going to be busy. For a last minute person like me. Wait, i'm worse than last minute, i'm already near to last second. :/ My Sejarah, my geografi. My life, my phone, they are all saying goodbye to me, I see them waving at me with a cunning smile. :(

Last week,
I went to library almost everyday.
With all the noses.
Birds of a feather flocks together, we all have the same characteristics, don't we?:D
And many shits happened there.
I laughed so hard, and also I felt a moment of sorrow.
He's with them, but not with me.
He's tutoring them, but just not me.
He's right beside them, but never me.
And he seemed to be avoiding me.
I thought we were best friends?
Or not anymore?

And,
I found ppl around me using the word "drama" alot.
One of them is him, and one of them is HIM.
And guess what, they are both people that mean really alot to me.
Right when I saw his message, I took a deep sigh, closed my eyes, and held my breath, I asked myself,
"Am I creating dramas for myself?"
I opened my eyes and replied him. "Oh, yes, u were right." It all started cause of me, and me, i'm gonna end them all now. So i logged in my facebook, and deleted all the status that have been bothering me. I thought of deleting the comments but I didn't. Deleting them is just telling myself that I mind about their appearances. So i left them there. Let new posts replace them.
but NO. I do not hate u. As i said there were misunderstanding between us. I'm so glad to know a retarded friend like u. :) u're still an awesome stalkerr. :D

And last night,

a terrible night.
Many incidents happened. And i found myself laughing at them instead of worrying what might happen next. It's ok, i know they are not gonna stay. I'm like one of the traffic lights and they are those cars. They had to stop by but they will to leave someday. :)

During exam,
I wrote some corny stuffs.
As corny as my son, i can tell u.
that means, VERY CORNY.
Now I understand what does"bagaimana acuan, begitulah kuihnya" means. It means corny mother give birth to corny son. :(
Hmm.

After school, tution.

today is totally awesome.
I love the way we 4 laughed so hard together.
seriously.
I can feel the strength friendship gives me. Like a bra strip, they supports me, and always there to hold me.
I love retarded peoples.
:)

IQ QUESTION!!!

Which alphabet does "do re mi fa so" that "mi" belongs to?:)
Retards, SHH.
take a wild guess. This is very easy.








I found myself literally smiling after leaving all the memories behind.
Don't hold on to them, don't.
They were beautiful, but they ain't anymore.
Need you now

It's not quarter after one, I'm not all alone, but i just need u now. :)

Listening to someone playing this song on piano now. And it feels like time has freezed again. :)

Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say..
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

I've kept all the words you've said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me
But if you're happy
I'll get through somehow
But the truth is
I've been screaming out..


I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

It was all we'd ever need
I thought it was all we'd ever need.

U make me feel so hard to believe,
that this is what we ought to be,
U make me feel such a relief,
that we had what we could have.
U make me feel so hard to breath,
when I've to take my eyes off u.


It's been a long time since I last updated, right?
I'm sorry for turning this blog dead.
And, u are the motivation for me to post something here. :)

Today sucked. I cried for the 2nd time in school, and i didn't even anticipated today to be ended up like this. After 3 years of friendship, can't u care a bit more about my feelings? Yes, the way I act is like a bitch, and i deserve to be scolded, but hey, at least not this rude. I cried not because of I got scolded, it's because the one I treat and love as a soul sister, actually said that to me in public. I'm running out of words, so i'm going to stop telling u how much u've changed in this 2 years. :) take care.

And,

Time for something that deserves my smile. :)

uhm, i finished kgt!:D
thanks to preston chan and tim <3

U know what, I got nothing else that deserve to be happy. :)

It's ok.
Tomorrow will be better. So much better.

Ps1: Liuh enn and I are starting a company name" super fresh prawn", anyone interested?:) PRAWN U KNOW.

ps2: Tim, sorry I let u down, i got nothing else to talk about.
ps3: Please visit me again stalker!:) I'm never gonna ignore someone so awesome like u. :)
I never told you.

K.G.T is so useless. The only thing I learned while doing it is, how to copy paste a whole paragraph of craps to my Microsoft Words within 5 seconds.

And,

I'm forced to leave my dear Clarisse. :(
Pn.Latifah jealous of we both's never ending's stories so she switched our place. Now me and her is like million miles away. But i'm so sorry Puan Latifah, Clarissse and I wont stop talking, even if she's so far away i'll still try my best to talk to her.

Me:Cikgu tukar pun kami boleh cakap la!

Puan Latifah: Tak boleh la. Jauh mana boleh!

Me:Kami boleh cakap denagn lebih kuat ma!

Puan Latifah: Macam tu u kena la.

Me: Kena then macam mana?

puan Latifah: Saya akan tukarkan tempat lagi la.

Me:Then kami cakap lagi lo.

Puan Latifah: Saya tukar lagi la.

Me:haiya cikgu, tak guna la. Orang yang suka cakap macam saya letak mana pun akan cakap! Letak saya di corridor la!

Puan Latifah: ok ok!

And at last, she finally allowed me to sit with Sher Wu! Until she receives any complain that we talk alot. :D Yay babeh. I'm such a successful promoter. :)

And,

I miss your messages somehow.
I miss everything u said.
I miss your laughters.
I miss your warm arms.
I miss everything about u.
两个人不等于我们 Leehom♥

醒来只有我一个人

分不清黄昏或清晨

空气微冷有甚么在流失慢慢降温

一颗心往下沉

毕竟只是太短的梦

彼此终于退回陌生

我加上你两个人并不等于我们

你想我吗会偶尔想我吗

是这样吗飞扬的会落下

你爱我吗如果诚实回答

可是爱也不是解答

空屋子里没有回声

但我记忆有你指纹

我加上你两个人却并不等于我们

你想我吗会偶尔想我吗

是这样吗飞扬的会落下

你爱我吗如果诚实回答

可是爱也让人疲乏

你知道吗我心快要溶化

是这样吗压抑的会爆发

你爱我吗爱我就懂我吗

告诉我善意的谎话

告诉我善意的谎话

好让我相信我不是太傻

Tough.

U cause a pain in my heart, still. I’ve to stop being so emotional. I can’t stay like this forever. Yes, I cannot. I must not. Can u stand it when someone tells u she feels jealous when a girl talked to A, and she also felt hurt when she saw B laying his hand on another’s shoulder? NO, tell me u can’t. Because it’s not right at all. U can’t have both at one time. Just like u can’t love both at one time.

I’ve been reading all this while. All this while as in, today, yesterday, and the day before. It’s a book entitled “Dear John”, by Nicholas Sparks. I haven’t read any of his books. But he must be a good author. Well, at least the magazines said so. I’m at pg 172 for your information. Till now, I still enjoy reading the book and barely thought of putting it down and go for another book like I did last month. Thanks tim, for borrowing me the book. Appreciated much. :)

I’ve been thinking about my future. I wondered what and who is going to be there with me till the end of my life. I closed my eyes and tried to predict the future. And realized that it was empty. I always wondered about death. But i'm not looking forward to it of course. I have tonnes of things to do. And i wanna leave plenty of letters for my next generation, and all the friends i have after I leave this world. Oh, ya, like Mr.Jekyll.

Hey there. I'm here again. To tell u how much I wanted u by my side. But I know u won't be coming back anymore. I regretted for ignored your "hello" and "goodbye". And I felt my heart cracking when I know u actually think that I'm..weird lately. I feel so frustrated. I don't know what can I do. Instead, i only stared at your Personal message and wondered how can I change everything. U're no longer my best guy friend. You are, hers...and theirs'. I don't blame u at all. Cause all i ever wanted was to see u smile. even if it's not for me anymore, :)

I couldn't sleep well. I've been thinking about u. How can I be so cruel to someone so perfect like u? U did nothing wrong, and nothing was wrong with u, dear. It's all about me, the bitch who can't appreciate, nor deserve u. U should move on, like I wanted u to. I'll be right behind u, and u know that. I love u, really. It's just its too much for us. Promise to keep the smile on your face. And remember me in your heart forever,:)

I guess I just seem a bit too naive for u, am i? And since u already have someone on your mind, whatever I do is not going to affect u much. Even if i'm not naive. I was a little bit shocked when i know that u actually lied. U should have told me that u're already seeing someone so amazing. And I won't go any further. And, u won't be in this post of my blog probably. I wanted to know more about u, and all the possibilities between us. Now i'm still hoping for that. As your good friend. I'm glad that I know someone like u in my life. U coloured me when everything was in black and white. "Time freezed when u're with me."

" My life is just a piece of trashed paper, without u."

I'm sorry.

Omg. I feel so bad ever since last night.

Would u feel bad if u scolded someone badly and soon found out that it wasn't his/her fault?

IT'S SUPER SUPER EMBARASSING. plus she's my junior. ( I didn't mean to say super junior)

I'm so sorry that I've sent u a god damn long message in a harsh tone. and, even asked u to pray hard to enter marching next year. I'm really feeling so so bad right now. Please forgive me for saying that. I didn't mean to put it that way. What i wanted to tell u was, HELLO u're so not bitchy, u're such a cute form 1 girl whom I think is pretty lovable. :) I mean it u know, :)

School is fun when your english teacher didn't come on her double period day. PLUS IT'S on the 40 minutes per period day. Nothing can feel better than that, trust me. :)

I found something important lately.

KUAH LI WEI CANT SING. i mean, seriously. and even if he does, he only sings songs that are few decades away from 2010. U don't believe me? U can try to request a song from him, and u'll come back and tell me how true is that. :)

Ohhh yaaa, since i've dedicated my FB status to u twice, I'll dedicate 1 paragraph of this post to u too kay? Mr.Stalker, u're so awesome, so funny, so caring, and so cool that u make time freeze when u're with me. Come and visit me more often k? since i'm so awesome to mention abt u here. :)